Hillary Clinton Goes to Heaven

As she sits outside the office of the Angel Gabriel she notices many clocks on the wall. Every so often a clock would jump 15 minutes ahead.
When Hillary is called into the Angel's office she asks "Why are there so many clocks?" and "Why do some of them skip 15 minutes?"
The Angel replies "Every clock represents a married man, and they skip 15 minutes every time that man has and affair."
Hillary asks the Angel "Where is my husband's clock?"
The Angel "God keeps it in his office."
Hillary "Why, because God thinks so highly of him."
Angel "Ohhhhh No good woman, he uses it for a fan during the summer!"

Snow Wars

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter.
Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow.
Well, old Bill is pretty pissed off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"
The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor.
Bill hollers "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"
The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?"
Clinton says "Oh Hell, give me the bad news first."
The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."
Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. ...Well, what's the really bad news?"
The officer replies "Well, it's Hillary's handwriting"