As Good a Place as Any

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box.
He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts.
Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either." I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Sobering Examination

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint.
Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"

It's Cold!

A drunk stumbles out of a bar and he makes his way into the cemetery behind the tavern. He walks right to the edge of a freshly dug grave, loses his balance and falls in. Requires a Java Enabled Browser.
There's a puddle of water in the hole, and he spends the rest of the night yelling, "Help me, I'm cold! Someone help me, I'm cold!"
At closing time, another drunk walks behind the bar and hears the noise. He gets to the open grave, looks down and says, "Of course you're cold, you idiot, you kicked all the dirt off yourself!"