Observant

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested that the drunk prove he isn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.
He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Hey, Pal, I think your girl friend has gone home."

Names

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "What the heck," he says,"I really want a drink."
 When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." Requires a Java Enabled Browser.
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for example, is called NIKE, for  the slogan, "Just Do It."That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because "It Really Satisfies."
The customer look dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the customer ask the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer. "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX, Cause it Takes a Lickin' and keeps on Tickin.'
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So what do you call your penis?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims," FORD, because Quality is Job 1" Then he adds, have you driven a FORD, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me a beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why SECRET?"
The customer says "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN."

Little Man

A man walks into a bar and asks for 2 shots for him and his buddy.
Bartender says, "Sure do you want them both now, or do you want me to wait until your buddy gets here first?"
The guy says, "Oh I want them both now, I've got my best buddy in my pocket right here." He then pulls out a 3 inch man and puts him on the table.
The bartender was astonished. "Do you mean to say he can drink a whole drink?"
"Sure, he can drink it all. Pour it on."
Sure enough, the bartender watches in amazement as the little guy drinks down two full shots. "That's amazing. Can he walk?"
The guy flicks a coin and says, "Hey, Rodney, go get the coin, OK?" and Rodney runs off after it.
"Unreal. Can he do anything else? Can he talk?"
"Of course he can. Hey Rodney -- tell the bartender about the time you called that witch doctor a 'dickhead.'" "