Good Advice

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him.
Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, Tom, please! What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
The third night, sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He wakes to see the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies, and fades into the mists.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush pleads.
Abe replies, "Go see a play."

Advice from Mount Rushmore

W, flabbergasted and overwhelmed to actually find himself President, travels to Mt. Rushmore to seek counsel from the 4 predecessors enshrined there.
"What can I do for the good of the country?" he asks.
Washington answers first, "You know I was a man of integrity, that I could never tell a lie. Do the same."
Jefferson spoke next, "I wrote, 'We hold this truth to be self evident: that all men are created equal.' Remember that and you will always act in the best interests of the country."
Teddy Roosevelt squinted through his Requires a Java Enabled Browser. specs and barked. "You know what I always said, don't you? Or were you absent that day??? Oh, stop sputtering! I'll tell you: 'Walk softly and carry a big stick' you eclair! Be firm, be flexible, and don't let the National Parks go down the indoor plumbing!!!!"
 Last but not least was Lincoln.
"Mr. Precedent," Bush said, "you led this country through its most turbulous times. You are probably our greatest precedent. And, hey! They even named a gas guzzler after you! So I'm very interested in what you have to say."
After a brief cloud of dismay passed over his countenance, Honest Abe looked benevolently down on Shrub and said, "What can you do for the good of the country ?????? GO TO THE THEATRE!"