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"In Florida a 96-year-old woman is running for mayor. When asked if she knew who she was running against, she said, "Time." --Conan O'Brien
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth."-----------------LeninHolidays
My four year old and I were discussing holidays,
and I asked him,
"What is the day which comes after Halloween
when you have turkey?"
My husband quickly answered, "Election
day."
Honest Man
"Tom DeLay, embroiled in a lobbying scandal, said he will
not run for re-election and he will leave Congress in a few
months.
DeLay says he will spend his free time doing what
he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's
hands"
--Tina Fey
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.--Otto von Bismarck
"Treason doth never prosper: what's the reason?
Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason."
---Sir John Harrington
Believing Politicians
A bus load of politicians were driving down a
country road one
afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off
the road and
crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to
investigate.d asked the old farmer, "Were they
all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them
said they weren't,
but you know how them politicians lie."
What could possibly go wrong there?!"
--Jay Leno
"My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, and
we have people from every planet...On the earth in this
state."
---Gray Davis, former governor of California.
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between
a man and a woman."
---California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"In a speech this week, California Governor Arnold
Schwarzenegger said America needs to work together to conserve oil. Then he lit a cigar and drove over the crowd in
his hummer."
--Conan O'Brien
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever
been."
---President Gerald Ford
"Mayor Ray 'Chocolate City' Nagin couldn't pull in enough of
the vote in New Orleans to prevent a runoff. If he hopes to
hold on to his office, he will have to make inroads into what
he's calling some serious vanilla."
--Jon Stewart
"New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson is undecided on the
issue of cock fighting. Cock fighting is still legal in
New Mexico.
Bill Richardson says that there are good
arguments on both sides. Really?! What is a good reason
for cock fighting? Does this keep the roosters off the
street?"
--Jay Leno