Blondes In Heaven |
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Stairway to HeavenA redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He'd tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn't enter heaven.The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.  The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either. Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke." "I know, "the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke." Ground HogThree blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." 
St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell. The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder... St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted. The Resurrection RiddleAnother version of the above Three blondes stood at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. St. Peter says that they can enter provided that they can answer one simple question, "What is Easter?" The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! Easter is the holiday in November when families get together, eat turkey, and act thankful..."  "Wrong!" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question. The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday when we put up a nice tree, echange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, and glances over at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently, looks St. Peter right in the eyes and says, "I know what Easter is." "Oh really," replies St. Peter. "Easter is the Christain holiday that conicides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the Last Supper where Jesus was deceived and turned over to the Romans by Judas, one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and nailed to a cross. He was burried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... And, if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter." Two Dead BlondesTwo blondes waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first blonde asked the second."I froze to death," says the second "That's awful," says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping." How about you, how did you die?" asked the second blonde. "I had a heart attack," says the first blonde. "You see I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to the basement, but no one was hiding there either. I ran to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second blonde shakes her head. "What a pity, if you had only looked in the freezer, we'd both still be alive." |
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