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Idiots 4
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Clunk
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to
check for a clunking noise when going around corners.
He took the car out for a test drive and made two right
turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.
Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service
manager with this note: “Removed bowling ball from
trunk.”
What's In a Shape
On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law
overheard a patriotic father pointing out a well-known
building to his son.
"You see that triangular-shaped
octagon over there? That's the Pentagon."
The Measurement
Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my
brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The
problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an
odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting
my mother one day when I called home.
"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.
"I don't have a tape measure."
"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six
inches long."
"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I
only have a ten."
Not Possible
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down
answers to some questions the teacher was asking.
"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you
like to be seen by the opposite sex?"
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next
to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"
Gossip
Betty, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of
the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other
people's business.
Several local residents were unappreciative of her
activities, but feared her enough to maintain their
silence. However, she made a mistake when she recently
accused Ted, a local man, of being an alcoholic after
she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only
bar one afternoon.
Ted, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and
just walked away without saying a word. Later that
evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her
house and left it there all night.
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Helping Hand
Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two
black eyes. His workmates were understandably curious:
"Jack, what happened to you?!?"
"It was the darnest thing! I was at church
yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me.
You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the
butt of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached
over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I
know, she spins around and socks me one!"
"Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?"
"Naw. After she turned back around, I figured she
was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack --
so I tried to poke it back in..."
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