Russian and Viagra

A Russian man is walking through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him some illegal Viagra for 100 rubles. "No, not worth it!"
"OK, how about 50 rubles?"
"No, not worth it!"
"OK, 20?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 10?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Oh, the pills are worth it," said the Russian. "It's my wife that's not worth it."

Liquid Viagra

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old fashioned "stiff drink".
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO."

Church Choir

Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch.
His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?"
Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

Compliments

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?"
"No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue."

Cake or Bed

A Husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her angrily, "Fix the lights now?" "Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don't think so."
Fine, then the wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine", she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break."
"I'm not a damm carpenter and I don't want to fix steps." He says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.
As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey", he asks, "How'd all this get fixed?" .
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."
He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?"
She replied, "Helloooo....... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don't think so!"