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A Lesson in
Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, students, if I stood on my head the
blood, as you know, would run A young female teacher was giving an assignment
to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large
assignment so she started writing high up on the
chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one
of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and
asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th
grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,
so he produced an experiment that involved a
glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two
worms.
into it, and I
should turn red
in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing
upright in the ordinary position the blood
doesn't run into my feet?"
Little Johnny shouted, "'It's because
yer feet ain't empty."
Teaching A Buncha
Hooligans
"I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells,
"I don't want to see you for three
days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment, she reaches to the very top of the
chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder
giggle from another male student. She quickly
turns and asks, "What's so funny,
Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom!
This time the punishment is more severe, I don't
want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser
when she turns around again. So she bends over to
pick it up. This time there is an burst of
laughter from another male student. She quickly
turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she
asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are
over!"Worms
"Now, class, closely observe the
worms," said the professor while putting a
worm into the water. The worm in the water
writhed about, happy as a worm in water
could be. He then put the second worm into the
whiskey. It curled up and writhed about
painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead
as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this
experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his
hand and wisely, responded confidently,
"Drink whiskey and you won't get
worms."
Thinking
In math class one day the teacher sees that
little Johnny is daydreaming and decides to ask
him the next question. " Johnny, if there
are three birds on a wire and you shoot one of
them, how many are left?" Johnny says none.
The teacher asks him to explain.
Little Johnny says, "If you shoot the gun it
may hit one bird, but the others will fly away
and so you have no birds left."
The teacher smiles and says the answer is two,
but I like the way you think.
Johnny asks the teacher if she can solve a
problem. The teacher is hesitant because she
knows the way Johnny's mind works, but she agrees
to answer the question.
"If you have three women sitting on a park
bench- one of them is eating a Popsicle - one of
them is licking a Popsicle - and one of them is
sucking a Popsicle - which one is married?"
The teacher blushes and says, "I guess the
one sucking the Popsicle. "
Johnny shakes his head no." It is the one
with the wedding ring, but I like the way you
think."
Ms. Mary
Little Mary was not the best
student in Sunday school. Usually she slept
through the class. One day the teacher
called on her while she was napping, "Tell
me, Mary, who created the
universe?" When Mary didn't stir,
little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the
chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in
the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted
Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good," and Mary
fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who
is our Lord and Savior?"
Mary didn't even stir from her slumber, so once
again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck
her with a pin. "Jesus Christ!"
shouted Mary.
The teacher said, "Very good," and Mary
fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third
question. "What did Eve say to Adam
after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This
time nothing happened so Johnny put a little more
pressure to the pin and this time Mary jumped up
and shouted, "If you stick that
fucking thing in me one more time, I'll break it
in half!"
The Teacher fainted.
That Bill!
It
is near the end of the school year. The
teacher has turned in her grades. There is
really nothing to do. All the kids are restless
because there is nothing to do and it is near the
end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever
answers the questions I ask first and correctly
can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself, "Good,
I want to get outta here. I'm smart and
will answer the question."
The teacher asked, Who said "For Score and
Seven Years Ago?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said,
"Abraham Lincoln. "
The teacher said, "That's right Susie.
You can go."
Johnny was MAD that Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, "I Have a
Dream?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said,
"Martin Luther King."
The teacher said, "That's right Mary.
You can go."
Johnny was even MADDER than before that Mary
answered first.
The teacher asked, Who said "Ask not,
what your country can do for you?" Before
Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said,
"John Kennedy."
The teacher said, "That's right Nancy.
You can go."
Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny
said, "I wish these bitches would keep their
mouths shut. "
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO HOME
NOW?"
