The Stupid Class

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.&
 The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Fascinate

The teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Johnny Siebert raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny Seibert said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

Big Words

Little Johnny was in his first week of kindergarten, when the teacher asked the children to get up in front of the class and tell what they'd done on their summer vacation.
"I went to see my Nana.", said Johnny.
"No", the teacher interrupted, "this is BIG people school, not preschool. We use BIG people words. You went to see your Grandmother."
"Yes," Johnny continued, "I went to see my Grandmother, and I rode on the Choo-choo."
"Now, Johnny, "the teacher again interrupted, "remember....BIG people school. BIG people words. You went to see your Grandmother, and you rode on the train."
"Yes," he continued, "I rode on the train....and my grandmother bought me a new book." "And what was the name of that book?", the teacher asked.
After much thought...and a minute of silence, Johnny answered...."Winnie the Shit"

A Real Moses

"Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites."
"Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it."

Fish Stories

In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?"
Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder." v "That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"
Again Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it and his eyes popped out in shock."