IN GENERAL
1. Never take a adult beverages to a job interview
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting
at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change
the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to
the funeral home.
 DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the
paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to
"bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it
with your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter
how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a
job that should bedone in private using one's OWN truck
keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is
a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social
no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry
and alter the taste of her finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on
the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say
"Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and
picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.
Tests have proven they can't hear you.
WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get
you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit
with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create
a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks
and shoes for this special occasion.
DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even
if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with
the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct
tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
it is impolite to ask her to bring back more adult
beverages.
5. Do not "burn rubber" while traveling in a
funeral procession
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