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You might be a redneck if....
you think the last words of the ''Star Spangled Banner'' are ''Gentlemen! Start your engines!''
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Farmer and His Wife

A Kansas tornado hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up Requires a Java Enabled Browser. the beds, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.
"Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt."
Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she responded between sobs. "I'm happy 'cause this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."

Country Western Singers

How many country/western singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to take out the old one and four to sing about how much they are going to miss it.
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