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Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween?
They don't like all those strangers coming up on the porch
and ringing their doorbells.
 The Vacationing Priests
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They
were determined to make this a real vacation by not
wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As
soon as the plane landed,
they headed for a store and bought some really
outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, and dressed
in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on
their beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and
the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous"
topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight
towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said,
"Good morning, Father," "Good morning,
Father," nodding and addressing each of them
individually, then passed on by.
They
were both stunned.
 How in the world
did she know they were priests they asked each other?
The next day, they went back to the store, bought
even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud, you
could hear them before you even saw them. Once again
the two priests settled on the
 beach in their chairs to
enjoy the sunshine etc. After a while, the same
gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her
sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again, she approached them and greeted them
individually with, "Good morning, Father,"
and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer
and said, "Just a minute young lady."
"Yes,?", she replied.
"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to
know, how in the world did you know we are
priests?"
"Father, it's me, Sister Angela," she
replied.
"THE MISSIONARY"
 A missionary realizes that the one thing he never
taught the natives was how to speak English, so he
takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This
is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and
grunts, "Tree." The missionary is pleased
with the response. 
They walk a little farther and the missionary points to
a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing
this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The missionary is really getting enthusiastic about the
results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he
peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the
midst of heavy sexual activity. The missionary is
really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a
bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his
blowgun and kills them. The missionary goes ballistic
and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching
the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other,
so how could he kill these people in cold blood that
way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
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