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Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the football game,
three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to
get them to move. |
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Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says, "I must tell you something; We have a case of gonorrhea."
A nun in the back says, "Thank God, I am tired of Zinfandel."
There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
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SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he
followed me.SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!
Incredible Wager
Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she
cried, "just wait until you hear this!"The priest led the Sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?"
"Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"
"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.
"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, " it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"
"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"
"Well, I hit the ceiling, father."
"How much did you win?"
The Blind Man And The Naked Nuns
Four nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked.
Later they heard a knock on the door....
"Who is it???",
The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".
So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room....
The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said...
"Nice racks sisters, where do you want the blinds??"
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