Say What?

Say What?

Needs Flash Plug In

Some things men can say when getting caught looking at another woman:

"I can't believe that outfit she is wearing"; (said disdainfully).
"Look at that guy!... Over there... behind the woman."
"I think that's a man dressed as a woman!"

"Isn't that the actress from the movie Delicatessen?" (Chances are she hasn't seen that movie - and neither have you, but you will get brownie points naming a foreign film, and it will be just obtuse enough to distract her.
"I think that's the girl I knew from high school who eventually joined a convent (or was committed to an asylum) and turned out to be a real nut case."
"Help me, I got something in my eye... can't see a thing!"
"Hey that's the loser I dumped in order to go out with you. Boy am I glad I ever got away from her. What a moron."
"I was just thinking how I felt sorry for her - since she can never hold a candle to you!" (This one might only get you punched, but its worth a try.)
"Do you think she's prettier than me?" (Give her a taste of her own medicine!)

While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes involuntarily followed her.
Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in?"

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Putting on the Pounds

Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented to my husband, "I'm fat."
And right on cue he said what all good husbands must: "You're not fat." To support his position, he added, "Just look around you at others, and you will see that you are not fat."
But our daughter, a high schooler, saw through it: "Mom, he's grading you on the curve!"

Caught In The Act

A man came home from work early one day, and found his wife naked and panting on the bed.
"Honey," she said, thinking quickly, "I think I'm having a heart attack!"
While rushing to call the doctor, he nearly stumbled over his crying four year old, who told him there was a naked man in the closet. He ran to the closet, opened the door, and there was his best friend.
"Damn it, Dave" he shouted, "Jill's having a heart attack and here you are scaring the hell out of the kids!"

Man of The House

The husband had just finished the book "Man of the House". He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a tasty dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner and dessert, you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director."